


Natsuki Subaru’s Possession (Finger IF)

by UlbertSnow



Category: Re:ゼロから始める異世界生活 | Re:Zero Starting Life in Another World (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempted Murder, Gen, Mental Breakdown, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Time Loop, spiritual possession, split personality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:54:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28778634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UlbertSnow/pseuds/UlbertSnow
Summary: In an instant, He raised his body again and stood up, smiling like the madman He was.“That’s it! Once you utter those words, the process is complete!” He raised his hands in the air, celebrating his own achievement while laughing to himself. “You and I have become one! We are one and the same! There is no place for Sloth in Natsuki Subaru’s heart!”“Shut up! I’m nothing like you! I’m me and only me!”Two sides fight each other for control as Subaru’s plan had more hurdles than he’d expected. How can you possibly live through a situation that makes you look more and more suspicious?——Or, Subaru remains possessed by Petelgeuse even after his reset. Insane hijinks ensue. Expect things to get a bit dark. [Spoilers for Arcs 3 through Arc 6]
Comments: 25
Kudos: 101





	1. 激怒　(Wrath)

The first thing that Natsuki Subaru became aware of, was that his [Return By Death] had activated. Being striked down by Julius and Felix caused him a feeling unlike any other. They had been forced to murder someone they considered an ally. 

The second thing that he realized, is that they had no reason to feel that way anymore. 

He looked around, and the combined forces of the Karsten and Hoshin camps surrounded him  
Ricardo had Mimi and Hetaro sit on his lap as he listened to the speech, Wilhelm and Crusch sitting on the other side of the circle. Finally, Julius sat beside the rest of the knights of the camp he belonged to. 

Subaru himself was sitting down in the corner, pitching in on their preparations in order to provide insight as to possible advantages that would allow victory.

At least, that is what he expected the situation to be once the conditions for [Return By Death] were met. Even then, his hands shook slightly from the pain of having a sword slicing through his torso as if it was an inconvenience, but this very deadlock had provided an opportunity to do things right this time. 

So, why…….

Even now, even now…..

His brain trembled. It was going in circles endlessly until it reached the same thought again. Every second, it became harder for him to focus as his head was filled with an incomprehensible presence, one that still lingered in his head even now. 

“I see……..” 

Natsuki Subaru said these words, that much was certain. However, they did not belong to such a person, nor did he desire to speak them by his own willpower. 

“I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I see, I seee! This is such a perplexing sight!” 

Natsuki Subaru was losing control of his own mouth as foreign words and concepts began to flood his brain. 

“To think that revered knights such as yourselves could fall to the Sin of Sloth! This is unforgivable! Unspeakable! Unsightly!”

He clutched his head as it spiraled into an indescribable tangent of madness and unrelated memories to his own. It jumped from one to the other, making him recoil from the pain and hit his head on the grass. 

“Subaru, may I ask what is it you’re attempting to achieve by doing this?” Julius raised his eyebrow as the boy’s spiel continued on and on and on. It was an incoherent ramble that made no sense at all. 

But Subaru couldn’t respond to him directly. Trying to shut his own mouth. He covered it with his hands to make himself stop speaking, he couldn’t allow more misinformation to continue. 

“Natsuki Subaru…..Yes! Natsuki Subaru! My perfect vessel has come back to me! Only the Witch could be so diligent in Her desire to spread love in this slothful world!” 

“Hey! If you’re not who you say you are, then who are you really?!” Ricardo shielded Hetaro and Mimi as he raised his voice, being unnerved by the words the boy was using. 

Vocabulary such as “Witch” and “Sloth” were instant red flags in this current context. This is why Natsuki Subaru tried to silence himself once more, but this time, he had enough grasp of the situation to pull himself together. 

“Who are you?! What do you intend to do with this vessel?!” Felix got up and confronted the madman, making the necessary preparations to incapacitate him already. 

Resigning herself to the reality of their situation, Crusch put her hand on Felix’s shoulder “Stand now, he’s in no position to harm us” 

“Even so…Even so, we cannot allow him to suffer in this way” Wilhelm observed Subaru’s frantic movements, ordering Crusch to remain on stand-by herself. 

With a pained expression, Subaru tried to speak, and once the words that came out of his mouth became his own, continued doing so. 

“Felix…..Wilhelm….No, everyone…..I’ve been….I’ve been….” 

_Go ahead! Shower them with your love! Reject your slothful nature and let your true desires be known to these simpletons! ___

____

____

“I’ve been taken over by Petelgeuse…!”

In an instant, He raised his body again and stood up, smiling like the madman He was. 

“That’s it! Once you utter those words, the process is complete!” He raised his hands in the air, celebrating his own achievement while laughing to himself. “You and I have become one! We are one and the same! There is no place for Sloth in Natsuki Subaru’s heart!”

“Shut up! I’m nothing like you! I’m me and only me!” 

The two sides of his brain countered each other repeatedly, and it became painfully clear to him that his plan had failed, even if it was dangerous. 

No, his plan had not only been a complete failure, it had endangered the lives of everyone else there. Because what happens to someone under the possession of an insane individual such as Petelgeuse, was the use of his “Unseen Hands” became a possibility. 

Natsuki Subaru attempted to break his own arm so the Divine Authority of Sloth would not activate, yet the mana in the air was becoming increasingly unstable. It was invisible to the naked eye, but no one could deny that he was the cause of that abnormality. 

Suddenly, at lightning speeds, someone approached his side. 

“Wait, wait, wait! I can explain——!”

He felt as though his abdomen had been sliced in half vertically, so the entirety of his body was shaking uncontrollably from the inside, trying to keep itself in place. Blood covered his mouth as he found himself unable to do anything but scream at nothing at all. 

Crusch Karsten removed the blade from his abdomen and watched him collapse on the grass, remaining immobile. She couldn’t bear to look at what she’d done, looking away with a stern expression. 

Subaru’s reality changed, yet it remained the same. The world went black, and he left himself to be swallowed by it. 

—-

Natsuki Subaru opened his eyes to greet a new day, a new opportunity, and a new hope. 

In a sense, it was a true restart. Nothing could possibly carry over from one world to the other except for his memories. Memories of such ghastly encounters he had been faced with until now. 

He clutched his face in pain as this expectation had been shattered into pieces. From the insides of his mind, he could feel the cackle of a madman who wanted him to experience true hell. 

“Subaru, do not hesitate anymore. We need to begin the discussion post-haste” Crusch Karsten commanded him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (Wow, this is probably the most cursed story I’ve ever written....)
> 
> The idea for this story came to me when I realized how messed up the scenario presented in Arc 6 would’ve been if it also applied in a situation like the one at the end of the fourth loop in Arc 3. (Yes, I know this can’t actually happen in canon, but imagine)
> 
> I’m not planning on making this story longer than it needs to be, but the coming chapters will potentially have spoilers for those not caught up with the Light Novel/Web Novel, so keep that in mind. (What exactly? You’ll have to find out) 
> 
> I’m also going entirely out of superficial details I recall from Arc 3 for this, so forgive me if some things are slightly off.
> 
> Thanks For Reading!
> 
> Edit: Forgot to mention that this story will attempt to be updated on a weekly basis, meaning that the next chapter’s most likely going to be live next Friday.


	2. 嫉妬 (Envy)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was just about to say “Hey everyone, it seems I was able to finish the next chapter before Friday after all” 
> 
> And then, Tappei also uploads an update (Arc 7!!!!) right before that....Clearly, this was the day Subaru needed to suffer. I can see no other explanation for this coincidence. 
> 
> That being said, may the misadventures of Petelgeuse and Subaru....Continue!

Natsuki Subaru did not answer what Crusch requested of him right away. No, there was no reason to, since he hadn’t heard it after all. 

His mind was full of intrusive thoughts of all kinds, it was difficult to make out just what belonged to “him” and what belonged to “Him”. 

More importantly, there was the fact that this was happening to begin with. Since this process had not been reset in the slightest, it meant that the man known as Petelgeuse Romane-Contee was still inside him. 

In summary, his body was the host of the malevolent cultist’s soul, even now. 

“Answer me, I will not wait a second longer. What is it that you intended to say?” Crusch prompted him to speak his mind, but it was full of meaningless delirium and tangents. 

Because the boy known as Natsuki Subaru, the true owner of this body, was losing his sense of reason even without the spirit’s input. He couldn’t allow the negotiations to fail, or the alliance between the Camps would be tarnished. 

She had killed him entirely out of impulse. Given the state he was in, there was no way he could possibly reason it out with her, and his blabbering was bordering on insanity at a quick pace. 

He was nervous. He kept hesitating on how to proceed with this conversation without commiting a grave mistake. But it was this same hesitation that costed him dearly. 

The one who spoke thus was not Natsuki Subaru, but the Sin Archbishop, Petelgeuse Romanee-Contee.

“My intentions are nothing but pure! It is through them that I spread Love!” 

Crusch was not expecting much from him at all, but to receive such a strange answer caused her to become disgusted at him.

“This is a negotiation! Do you intend to waste our time through meaningless embarrassment?” Crusch demanded an answer from him. 

Inside his mind, Petelgeuse began to laugh. From the outside, it sounded like a mere chuckle at her confusion, but from the inside, Subaru could tell that he was very pleased by this outcome. 

_Natsuki Subaru! Someone as privileged as you has no purpose being as slothful as you are! Appreciate the gifts which are bestowed upon you thusly!_

Petelgeuse, in control of Natsuki Subaru’s body, got up from his position, and bowed to the crowd before him in a respectful way. Both his head and eyes began to twitch. Those who weren’t paying attention certainly had their eyes peeled on him now. 

“I am a Sin Archbishop of the Witch’s Cult, representing Sloth…….”

Everyone in the crowd reacted in shock to Subaru’s sudden confession. But what scared them the most was the honesty with which he said these words. 

“....Petelgeuse Romanee-Contee!” 

Crusch immediately got into a defensive position as she shielded Felix with her sword. The statements they just heard were not lies, and she could tell. 

“S-Subaru! What is the meaning of this?” Julius' expression was one of concerned disbelief as he watched his friend contort and smile at them gleefully. 

Meanwhile, inside his mind, Natsuki Subaru felt trapped, as if he wasn’t actually a person anymore, but an observer. If one were to visualize it in a different way, it would be as though he and Petelgeuse were fighting for the driver’s seat. 

“I don’t know what you’re thinking of doing, but it doesn’t matter to me, Sin Archbishop!” Ricardo faced the boy as he protected Hetaro and Mimi from harm. “I knew someone would slip into our ranks ahead of time!”

Mimi and Hetaro opened their mouths simultaneously in Subaru’s direction, causing a screeching sound to reverberate through his head as he fell towards the grass and covered his ears. 

This was bad. This was really bad. He needed to stop things from progressing into an incorrigible state. Unfortunately, the combined attack of the twins knocked him off balance and once again made him unable to concentrate. 

“Stop, stop it! I’m not him! I’m the Natsuki Subaru you know!” 

Ricardo looked down as he scratched his head, making a puffed breath “You’re a confusing kid! Try making some sense for once!” He then looked at both of the twins, and with a single motion of his hand, ordered them to back down.

“And what evidence do you have on your side?” Crusch ordered him to speak as she raised her sword in his direction. 

How slothful of you, Natsuki Subaru. To commit the sacrilegious act of perjury for the sake of your skin and flesh…..Truly slothful, truly!

He was getting better at it. Concentrating his emotions on the inside, “Keep quiet! I’m trying to speak here!” Was the mental response he gave him. 

Focusing on two individuals at once was difficult, but not impossible. Crusch Karsten proved to be a formidable opponent that could take his life were he to act in a suspicious way, so he had to correct that somehow. 

An explanation, any explanation. That could work for the better. 

“I’ll….I’ll explain everything, just let me go. That’s all I’m asking for” Subaru said, this time having control of his own voice. 

What he said previously seemed to have an effect on Petelgeuse, but it was only a temporary measure. There was no telling when or why it would happen, since the shift was sudden. 

To his surprise, he felt a sudden shiver in his body as he found himself completely incapacitated. He was unable to search for injuries in his abdomen due to facing forwards, but strangely enough, he didn’t feel pain either. 

“F-Ferris....!”

He stood behind him, having stretched out his hand and performed a powerful spell on him. Shock was but one of his reactions, the other was a pained cough as he tried to move his hands, but couldn’t. 

“Remember what we’re doing. We can’t risk the plans leaking out, so behave yourself” Felix said as he watched him from above. 

Natsuki Subaru felt himself being carried away by a large person, which he identified as Ricardo Welkin. The wolf human held him by his shoulder as the victim looked to his front, seeing Wilhelm approaching him. 

As the old knight began to speak, he walked behind Ricardo. He didn’t know where they were taking him or what their intentions could be, if any. 

“Allow me to apologize for the inconvenience. Before anything else, I would like to know who I am addressing at the moment” 

Wilhelm Van Astrea was his friend. It could be said that, indeed, all of them shared the same position as him, but the old knight was the only one who made an active attempt to believe him. 

“R-Right...I’m Natsuki Subaru. No one else”

He was careful in the way he spoke. Whichever words were spoken would be precise in their meaning. Not one more, not one less. 

“Very well, there is something I wanted to ask you, about a name you said. I fear I do not understand why you would refer to a member of the Witch’s Cult personally” 

This was troubling, really troubling. They were at the precise point where intel was vital, and he couldn’t blame Wilhelm for wishing to know more about that person, but only Natsuki Subaru had met him at this point, and not anyone else. 

“O-Oh, that’s true, that’s true….” 

Gulping his breath, he tried to explain himself as best he could. It was a miracle that Petelgeuse had not chosen to manifest himself again, so stopping any triggers from occurring was his main goal at the moment. 

His intrusive thoughts had given him information he didn’t have before. Both memories that would make him want to puke on the spot, but also the precise data he needed to proceed.

“Petelgeuse...He´s some sort of witch cultist, that's all I know of him...” 

“Before this point, did you come into contact with this Sin Archbishop?” 

“They were passing by the mansion when Rem and I fought them off, and he took some of the merchants hostage” 

His brain reacted. It trembled. But he remained firm. This sudden spasm caused Wilhelm to look at him with concern, yet he kept his ground regardless. 

Ricardo looked back at the boy as he unconsciously kicked him in the chest “Hey, don’t do anything reckless or I’ll make you regret it” 

“Y-Yes. S-Sorry, sorry....”

Being interested in the conversation, Wilhelm continued. 

“Could these merchants be inhabitants of Irlam Village, perhaps? It is likely that they´ll be making a move soon enough” 

Another reaction. His brain trembled again. From the inside, it wanted to speak out. Even Natsuki Subaru had simplified and restricted his own speech patterns in order to evade him. 

“We’re here. I’m dropping you off, so don’t lose it again” Ricardo grabbed the boy’s body again and lowered it onto a wooden platform. From what he could see, they were currently in a Dragon Carriage, and Felix was also accompanying him, listening in on their conversation. 

He was grateful for being spared the pain of suspicion, but he wasn’t out of the woods yet. By all means, he remained a suspect that was about to be interrogated. 

“Speak up, kid” Ricardo ordered him as he lifted his body, so that he’d be sitting down “When we fought that creature, did you know about the Witch’s Cult?” 

“I...I’m not sure what you want me to say. I didn’t know anything then…” 

Felix’s spell had decimated the circulation of mana in his body. Moving his body beyond speaking proved to be a herculean task, but this was an action that Felix had done to him before. 

“You knew where the White Whale would be, but isn’t that strange? No one’s been able to predict where it’s going to appear just like that” Felix brought his face closer to Subaru’s with a suspicious expression. 

It’s true that they had worked together once before, but they were allies, not friends. 

“If I hadn’t done that, we’d never have found it. It was just a hunch, that’s all!” If his hands could still work, he’d be trying to reassure Felix himself, but all he could do was sweat. 

Felix grabbed him by his tracksuit and brought him closer to his face, so that they’d be staring at one another “Don’t speak to me like that! You’re the one who’s being questioned here!” 

He had to work something out. Felix and Ricardo had the upper hand on him. 

“There were rumors that Roswaal’s Mansion would be attacked by the Cult, and I believed they were true”

It wasn’t the entire truth, but it wasn’t a lie, either. He hoped it would be sufficient enough for Felix to let him go, at least. 

“And your assertion is that the White Whale’s next appearance was known to you through a wandering rumor?” Wilhelm joined the conversation as the boy dug his grave deeper and deeper. 

It was then that Natsuki Subaru recognized his blunder. 

His first negotiation with Crusch had gone smoothly only due to his phone being recognized as a Metia. In other words, he himself passed it off as the reason he came to know of the whereabouts of the White Whale. 

“N-No, of course not! I-I meant to say that my Metia said it! It was part of what convinced me that it would appear at all!” 

He was desperate. He needed to get out of there. Not only was everyone here in danger due to his possession, but there was also another factor to consider: Petelgeuse’s Fingers. 

At that moment, his head felt as though it had been struck by a tennis ball at full speed. He clenched his teeth and tried to hold himself together, but seemingly couldn’t. 

The weight that was holding him down, had completely dissipated. 

“Do you take me for a fool, Natsuki Subaru?” 

Standing beside Felix, was Crusch Karsten, with a stern expression. 

“If you have no way to explain your situation, then I cannot expect you to fulfill your end of our strategy meeting” With a firm pose, she looked directly at him as she said these words. 

Again, his brain trembled. He couldn’t decipher the meaning of Crusch’s scolding as she continued to berate him. It didn’t mean anything anymore. He couldn’t hear her anymore. 

_We must reunite with the rest of my loyal Fingers as necessary! The ritual must be completed! Accomplished, I say!_

And for that very purpose…..

As though he had been reanimated, Natsuki Subaru’s body began to move without restraint, alarming Crusch and Ricardo. It contorted to an exaggerated degree as He greeted them. 

“Loyal devotees of Sloth! I must announce my parting without delay!” 

Subaru reacted in shock as his own self lost control of his body and voice. His head bent towards his neck as he saw the figure of a Ground Dragon standing besides the carriage, smiling maniacally.

“Apprehend him again! Do not let that madman have his way!” Crusch commanded Felix and Ricardo as she tried to intercept him from the other side of the carriage.

Yet Petelgeuse, now in control again, had accounted for this turn of events due to what “They” experienced in the previous loop. If anything, he was aware that she would be on guard again, and this questioning had given him the perfect opportunity to….

“Impossible! He’s already—-“ Ricardo tried to nab him, but it was a complete failure. The boy who had been captured inside the dragon’s carriage was now escaping at full speed from it. 

He didn’t do it alone. Petelgeuse provoked the Ground Dragon attached to the carriage into running away, and merely hopped onto it before it began to pick up its pace. 

Subaru instantly thought of tripping intentionally to mess up his plans, but it didn’t work. The Ground Dragon kept moving at the same pace as before, with the rest of the Crusch Camp and Anastasia Camp hot on its trail. 

Its direction, naturally, was Irlam Village. It had been a mistake to even think about it, as Natsuki Subaru would realize, as Petelgeuse had now acquired valuable information. 

“Stop the Ground Dragon, dumbass! You’ll get us killed again!” Subaru argued with himself as he looked around and saw that, though Ricardo was rapidly approaching in a Liger, Crusch was preparing her sword already.

“Natsuki Subaru! Control your instincts and desires before you lose yourself! Only the truly diligent can be loved!” His eyes twitched as he applied more force to the handles of the Ground Dragon, making him stable. 

“Like I care! You’re not making any sense, anyway!” 

Behind the creature which They rode, they felt a fierce impact as the Ground Dragon itself was making them aware that it had been struck. It started to bump Natsuki Subaru around as it lost its balance, but continued moving nonetheless. 

Ricardo’s Liger, as fast as it was, could not possibly damage the creature enough to make them fall. It was meant to be a sturdy companion they could use to carry valuable materials with, explaining its stamina. 

“Natsuki Subaru, you leave me no choice….”

There was a rustle in the wind. 

Even from far away, They could feel it. That something that wasn’t there before was now approaching in their direction at an even faster pace than the Liger was sprinting. 

The air itself had been sliced in half, the remaining space being left with nothing at all. 

His body was launched away from the Ground Dragon as he spun in the air. The creature had been slashed open by a powerful gust of wind, tearing through its torso and making it collapse on the ground in agony. 

His own head riddled with thoughts of confusion, fear and anxiety. It was further exacerbated by Petelgeuse’s own surprise at this occurrence. He crashed into the grass, but kept rolling on the ground endlessly. He screamed and yelled as he became painfully aware of the fact that his entire body was in a terrible state. 

Once he stopped moving, Natsuki Subaru observed the trees of the forest leading to Irlam Village. He tried to get up, but his legs were not responding. To make matters worse, his temporary “immunity” to Felix’s spell was only that, a fleeting measure. 

Coughing up the dirt that entered his mouth, he thought of all the people that had just done this to him. The negotiations had been a complete failure, and he only had himself to blame. No, it would be more accurate to say that he Himself was guilty. 

The scenery of the forest was covered up by the presence of knights dressed in white. Ricardo had stopped his Liger in order to let the rest of Julius’ forces make their way inside. 

Perhaps due to a miracle, the nearby Mabeasts had not yet arrived at the scene. Crusch and Wilhelm had been careful enough to take note of this, and thus decided to stay on guard back in the other end of the forest. 

Lying down, in a crazed stupor, was Natsuki Subaru himself, far beyond help. 

Julius unsheathed his sword, and approached the madman. He made sure to place it within range of his throat. The rest of his knights had surrounded them in a circle, so it was pointless to resist by fighting. 

“I will not repeat myself again. What have you done to that man?” 

Yet, the person he was addressing was not, in fact, Natsuki Subaru. 

“Your faith wavers, insolent! The Gospel has predicted the trial’s completion! This is an impossibility!” 

He repeatedly bashed his head against the ground as Julius and the rest of the knights stared in confusion. One of them attempted to intervene, but Julius denied him the opportunity. 

“Remain in your positions. I shall bear the responsibility of handling him” 

This same action caused him to break out of his trance again, turning back to reality. What Natsuki Subaru knew was that Julius Jukuulius was interrogating him. 

“Giving your situation some thought, it would appear that you encountered this spirit before we hunted down the White Whale. Of that, I am more than certain” 

“Spirit? N-No, Julius——“

“Juli. It’s just Juli.” 

“Damnit, Julius!”

An expected reaction out of the boy. As tense as the situation was, he was pleased to know that there were still traces of the same individual he had spoken to before. Another one of the knights could’ve sworn he let out a slight chuckle at this time. 

“Anyway, Petelgeuse is not a spirit! He’s somewhere not far from here!”

“And who, to be precise, would that person be?” 

He didn’t know. There was something else filling his mind at this time, but he couldn’t decipher it in a way they could understand. Images and events he’d never seen had recently resurfaced. “Just who the hell are you..., Petelgeuse?!” Is what he started to think of it, but couldn’t state it outright. 

Yet doing this had awakened something in him as well. He felt liberated, as if nothing he could ever do would have any consequence. If it was for the sake of Love, then it wouldn’t matter what came after. 

Julius looked down as he pondered just how to deal with Natsuki Subaru, the one who had claimed to be a high-ranking member of the Witch’s Cult and then took it back. Could it be true? Was it a lie?

“...If you have no response, then our negotiation is over. I cannot stall for time any further, as a knight, I must be loyal to my duties” 

His sword was aimed at his throat. Taking a step to hold him down with his feet, even Julius felt conflicted about what they were doing. Subaru looked around in horror as the rest of the knights merely nodded at him. 

The Witch Cult praised Satella as their eternal, everlasting savior. One could not allow even an inkling of suspicion to fall on them when it came to their relationship with such a terrifying group of immoral beasts. None of them could hope to reason with a witch cultist. The most likely outcome was certain death, or risk being labeled a traitor by your nation. 

That is why, even if “Natsuki Subaru, the boy who had helped them defeat the White Whale”, was innocent, “Natsuki Subaru, the Sin Archbishop who caused the deaths of men, women and children” was more than guilty. He was lying through his teeth. 

This conflict was not unknown to Subaru, but he couldn’t do anything to stop it. All he could do, was watch as he tried not to show remorse in the presence of his knights. 

“Why……?”

He was puzzled. He didn’t understand why this was happening to him. He had done everything right. Getting rid of the Fingers, befriending Julius, befriending Felix, and finally…..

But it was all for naught, wasn't it? All of his accomplishments had been erased, and on the contrary, further increased the amount of suffering in his life. 

“Why? Why? Why?! Why can’t any of you help me?! I don’t want anything to do with this!”

“Calm yourself! You’re not making your position any better!” 

Even as they argued with one another, Natsuki Subaru knew that the knight before him would not remove his sword under any circumstances. It was a lie. He had seen this situation before, and the outcome was clear. 

He didn't want to go back. He didn't want them to think he was a coward, a traitor, a pathetic piece of crap that people stepped over. 

He wanted to stay, he wanted to stay, he wanted to stay. He wanted to stop this. Even thinking about it hurt him on the inside, but what else could he do? If no one else could know, then it was likely that he´d be expelled just as easily. 

Julius raised his sword, and prepared to slash him just as he had once done, in another time and another life. 

It was then, that Natsuki Subaru opened his mouth and took a deep breath. 

“I can……..”

Because, if nothing else, he could force them to go away from him. 

“.....I can _[Return By Death]!_ ”

The world itself stopped moving. That which gave life to the forest had suddenly ceased to do so. There was a sudden silence. Subaru recognized his own breathing as the only source of sound in this quiet place. For a single moment, he was relieved to be freed of such a pressing secret. If not once, then again. 

Yet someone, within the depths of his heart, laughed. 

Petelgeuse smiled to himself as he identified the source of its power “The Authority of the Witch! It is you who has been chosen to receive Satella´s Love! We have been blessed with her holy presence and maiden soul!” 

As Natsuki Subaru tried to cover his ears, he kept denying reality. This wasn't real. This wasn't real. This wasn't real. This wasn't real. 

The knight known as Julius Jukuulius had disappeared from sight. Once Natsuki Subaru turned his head, he saw that Ricardo was taking him away alongside the rest of the royal guard. He was unconscious, with a lifeless expression. 

Natsuki Subaru screamed as he realized what had happened. 

Not only did announcing _[Return By Death]_ not work against Him, it seems to have further pronounced His hold on himself. And to make matters worse, someone, one of his friends, had gotten killed as a result. 

“Retreat! I said, retreat!” Crusch´s voice echoed in the distance as the area around him developed into a tangle of chaos and disarray. “Abandon the area before you're caught in them as well!” 

“What in—-?!” Ricardo looked behind him, as he realized that one of the knights which was escaping beside him had completely disappeared from view. “Keep moving! We can’t go back now!” 

Before they knew it, the rest of the Crusch Camp and Hoshin Camp fled from the scene as Subaru watched from a distance…..

——

He was beginning to lose his very grasp of just what or why he was feeling anything. Scared. Furious. Lonely. Depressed. Bitter. Helpless. Prideful….

He didn't have a body, nor did he know if he had one. He was alone. If this was a nightmare, he wanted to wake up from it. 

What else could it be, if the landscape was anything but what he remembered? Daytime had changed to an eerie nighttime. He couldn’t move, and even if he could, it was only possible for him to feel——

There was a silhouette. Covered from top to bottom with shadows, the living enigma had concealed her appearance from him. But he could tell. He could tell that the one speaking to him was a familiar voice, that of a girl. 

_“ I love you. ” ___

__She was the very definition of Love. No one else could hope to match her holiness. He felt happy. He was immensely happy, he was saved, he was saved, he was saved!_ _

___“ I love you. ”_ _ _

__The girl professed her unyielding devotion to him unlike anyone he’d ever met. She was special, exuding Love even to a mere stranger. He felt Loved by her, appreciated by her, enveloped in her warmth…._ _

___“ I love you. `` '' I love you. `` '' I love you. `` '' I love you. `` '' I love you. `` '' I love you. “ “ I love you. ““ I love you. `` '' I love you. `` '' I love you. “ “ I love you. “ “ I love you. “ “ I love you. “ “ I love you. “ “ I love you. `` '' I love you. `` '' I love you. “ “ I love you. “ “ I love you. “ “ I love you. “ “ I love you. ““ I love you. `` '' I love you. `` '' I love you. “ “ I love you. “ “ I love you. “ “ I love you. “ “ I love you. “ “ I love you. “ “ I love you. “_ _ _

__Those words echoed through the entirety of the forest and circled back through his ears. ‘I love you’ was the single thing he could think about, all else was forbidden._ _

__“Shut up, shut up!”_ _

__Natsuki’s Subaru’s mind was experiencing Love for the first time. He felt Loved. No one had ever Loved Him as much in his entire life. He only lived for Love. He only wanted Love. In this life, if Love was lacking, there was nothing._ _

__“Leave me alone!”_ _

__She didn’t. She raised her hands and approached him._ _

___“ I love you. “_ _ _

__“Go away! Stop it! Can’t you see that everyone’s hurting because of you?!”_ _

__She didn’t leave him. Her posture suggested she was ready to give him a warm embrace._ _

___“ I love you. “_ _ _

__Within his very heart, He rejected Love. He hated Love. No one had ever Loved him. He only lived. He only lived wanting. In this life, there was nothing._ _

___“ I love you. “_ _ _

__He was alone in company._ _

__“There’s never an end to it! No one’s satisfied with me being who I am! No one can say for certain that I’m capable of doing good! So many people count on me, and yet they’re ready to run away at the first chance they get! Even Emilia! Even Rem!”_ _

__The girl stared at him with a solemn expression, she was unrecognizable, but the boy could tell that she was in mourning._ _

___“ I love you. “_ _ _

__“If I’m not a hero, then what the hell am I?!?”_ _

__Subaru’s world was one covered in eternal darkness. There was nothing to gleam, nothing to explore, nothing to see._ _

__The last words he’d said to Rem were ones of reassurement, but now, he rejected their meaning. If she were to see him like this, she’d scorn him for being such an evil guy. Everyone believes him to be a criminal, why would she be any different?_ _

__And Emilia…..He failed to recognize the amount of suffering she had gone through. There was surely no other way to put it. This was his punishment for his selfishness. He wasn’t deserving of someone like her, and he’d probably never be._ _

__His soul was being torn apart. It hurt. It hurt. It hurt, it hurt. He didn’t feel anything, but it hurt. He wanted to keep himself together. If only he were a spirit too, then this wouldn’t be as difficult a task to handle…..._ _

__From within that darkness, He laughed once._ _

__He laughed again, he didn’t stop then. This was so ridiculous._ _

__He didn’t know what had caused him to do such a strange thing. He didn’t care anymore. He kept laughing._ _

__“I’m sorry, Emilia. I’m sorry, Rem……”_ _

__His eyes darted off towards nowhere. Once more, reality had warped in his favor, whether he wanted to or not._ _

___You truly are slothful, Natsuki Subaru._ _ _

__—-_ _

__As soon as he came back to reality, Natsuki Subaru noticed an odd phenomenon._ _

__It was difficult to accept. But Petelgeuse wasn’t the only one feeding him dangerous ideas. He himself had already accepted that this was an inevitable outcome. The situation could not develop in any way that wasn’t violence._ _

__This time, he was on his own. Even if the people around him were his allies, this was not the reality that he believed in anymore. Yet, he did not hate them. If possible, he wanted to distance himself from all this._ _

__That’s why….That’s why….._ _

__“S-Subaru!”_ _

__Natsuki Subaru collapsed on the grass, blood trickling out of his mouth. His tongue had been bitten, and he was to blame._ _

__It was the only way. It was the only possible way it would work._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Think about how weird this situation is from an outsider’s POV. 
> 
> Subaru went from literally just some random person with a borderline-insane obsession with Emilia (who happens to look exactly like Satella, no less) to the one guy who was able to both predict where the White Whale would be, and hunt it down for good. 
> 
> Immediately after that, when his friendly banter with Julius and Crusch ends, he suddenly starts to contort and spasm wildly, proclaiming that he was a witch cultist (a Sin Archbishop to be more precise) who's obsessed with Satella to an extremely creepy degree. 
> 
> It’s safe to say that, at least in this timeline, Emilia’s standing in the Royal Selection is pretty much done for. 
> 
> Thanks For Reading! 
> 
> Small Note: The reason Subaru managed to overpower Petelgeuse for a fair amount of time during his interrogation was partially due to Felix interfering with his possession. It’s something I’ll clarify a bit further ahead.


	3. 貪欲　(Greed)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear, if Tappei updates the Web Novel again immediately after I post another chapter, I’ll feel confident about predicting his update schedule. 
> 
> Now then, Subaru and Petelgeuse seem to have become more than friends! They really know each other well, don’t they?

Felix approached Subaru’s fallen body, seeing his weakened and frail expression. His injuries were not major, but the fact that it even came to this was nothing short of concerning. 

Subaru himself appeared as though he had been on a several-day sprint. His stamina was surprisingly low for the events that had just occurred and how he reacted to them. 

His vision was distorting even after he had successfully activated [Return by Death]. The true reason he had resorted to self-harm in this situation, was because his head was spinning. 

_Love! Love! Love! Love! Love!_

_We've truly been blessed! The gift of life has been bestowed upon us! To be merciful enough to spare us of agony and suffering.…! We are not worthy!_

It made him feel sick, but even if his body gave in from exhaustion, he found himself gathering newfound strength from a foreign source. He became aware of this the last time around, but it wasn’t until now that it became an active problem. 

Subaru was afraid that, if he started to loop back much more than usual, Petelgeuse would be able to exploit his ability without much issue. If he was able to think about people he’s never seen before, then it was likely he could do the same. 

Even speaking with Ferris took most of his mental strength to endure, like pressing his hands against a wall on the verge of collapsing on itself. 

“Don’t just fall over like that, everyone else will make fun of you” Felix reached out his hand to heal him as he tried to check for any other causes of it.

“Ferris…..Please don’t get near me….” Subaru pleaded for him to stay away from him, which he didn’t know how to interpret. If anything, it made him feel insulted that he’d take offense to his presence now, of all times. 

“If I do that, you’ll get hurt again” Felix ignored his pleas and kept doing his job. Maybe Subaru was just that sensitive to pain. “Now, stop complaining and let me finish” 

“N-No….I’m fine, I don’t even have any injuries…..But….” Because of what he’d done, he struggled to speak. His tongue’s shape was improving because of Felix, but he didn’t see that as a good thing. “But….Please stay back….”

A familiar force was sprouting from within his body, one that couldn´t manifest in such a spontaneous way until now. Its small shadowy shape made it hard to spot, but that wasn't the only problem. 

It was coming out of Subaru, and due to his attempts to silence Petelgeuse, he had resorted to utilize a different strategy altogether. 

“F-Ferris! Stay back!” 

Subaru pushed him aside as hard as he could so that he wouldn’t be in the range of that which could not be seen. His eyes widened as he raised his gaze to see the terrifying sight of an [Unseen Hand], entering Felix’s body without a single obstacle to stop it. 

“Gaaah….!”

He wailed out in pain as he clutched his chest, having received an unexpected blow to it, staring wide-eyed at Subaru as he fell unconscious on the ground, blood coming out of his mouth. 

“Ferris!”

Julius and Crusch immediately came to his aid, though the latter backed down somewhat out of politeness. The boy was healed in a desperate attempt by Julius, who wanted to help him. What he didn’t expect to feel, however, was the light sensation in his chest. It was as if he had been popped from the inside by an unknown force. 

Even so, he was only comforted by the fact that the boy seemed to be alive despite his wounds. Crusch, as well as Wilhelm himself, tried to get him out of the way, but realized that the young knight was only trying to help. 

“We’ve been ambushed! This meeting was bound to fail from the start!” Crusch condemned the rest of the Hoshin Camp, as well as Subaru, as she looked at Felix’s damaged body. 

Subaru was pulled aside as the Crusch Camp worked on inspecting the victim’s injuries. As a healer, Felix had a natural affinity towards regeneration as well, but it seems the attack was stronger than they assumed. 

“The meeting can wait for now, this seems to be the work of a foreign spy” Julius said as he analyzed the area around him. 

Yet, even with his eyes darting off from one side to the other, looking for the enemy with desperation, he couldn’t find them. 

“Anyone with the possibility of infiltrating the Camp would have done so before we departed to subjugate the White Whale”

Wilhelm stood on guard for Crusch and Felix. Their Camp had been victim to a brutal attack, and there was no clear way to know who the culprit was. 

“In addition, there is no doubt in my mind that Subaru himself was the first victim, with Felix following him after…...Unfortunate as it is, I can only believe that one of the knights is to blame” 

The implication of his words was concerning Ricardo, who didn’t take too kindly that the rest of his crew was being accused of an act as grave as treason during negotiations. 

“If that thing’s invisible, then it’d have attacked by now! None of the knights except Julius can use that type of magic!” 

“I’m afraid I must revoke even that statement, of course. Though I am a spirit-arts user, I am contracted to spirits at the moment, and all of them are visible” 

“See? There’s no chance for any of us to have ambushed Ferris without reason, so take it back, Sword Demon!” 

With the Hoshin Camp supposedly in the clear, the conversation shifted to a much more somber one, given the natural conclusion they had reached. 

“Am I to assume that you hold us as culprits of this ambush?” Crusch interrogated him, not taking a moment to refute their claims one by one. 

“Someone had to do it! If not Julius, then maybe it’s a person who’s hiding their abilities!” 

Finally, Mimi herself spoke up, as they had been thrown into an argument with the rest of the group. 

“If I am to take your word as truth, then I trust you believe in mine as well. Ferris will surely recover from this, but I will not forgive this assault on our preparations” 

Subaru’s self-inflicted injury was beginning to recover, and because Felix had made sure to pull him away for healing, all he could do was listen in on their accusations. It’s not like anything he’d say was worth listening to, anyway. 

His healing wasn’t enough to help him cleanse his wounds, but he would hopefully be able to speak soon enough. Originally, as Subaru thought, his plan consisted of having them take him to the Dragon Carriage again, feigning injuries, except he’d escape rush off to stop Petelgeuse before confessing again. 

It was troubling. It was only a possibility, after all, but he was aware that a strange phenomenon could unfold shortly. Petelgeuse Romanee-Contee, the spirit inhabiting his body at the moment, existed here and now, that was a fact. 

But what about the individual in the cave? Were they replaced? Did they seemingly vanish into thin-air from the sheer amount of paradoxes this would cause? 

Just thinking about it hurt his mind, so he stopped himself from doing so. These were the questions plaguing his mind as he tried to formulate an alternate scheme to cancel out his possession. Getting near Felix was no longer an option, of course. 

And then, there was an entirely new problem that decided to arise now, of all times. Petelgeuse’s [Unseen Hands] expressed the visual manifestation of his desire to stop him, as they tried to suppress one another. 

“For a witch cultist to be in our midst, at least one of us would have to present themselves in an abnormal manner, am I wrong?” 

To Crusch’s proposal, Julius raised his hand to continue that train of thought.

“Naturally, I suppose I can be of use to everyone present. One of my capabilities is seeing what’s not usually in our field of view, at first glance.”

Subaru, who had heard this statement, began to panic on the inside. He didn't know that his friend could possess such a conveniently specific ability, it was quite a threat, especially in a situation like this one. 

“Going through each one of us would be troublesome, would it not? Are there any suspects left?”

Despite claiming this, Wilhelm was very much aware of who one of those people could be. It just didn’t seem logical for such a strange turn of events to take place.

Because Natsuki Subaru, alongside another individual, a member of the Hoshin Camp, were the only possible perpetrators of this crime. Realizing this, he tried his hardest to hide his fear as his hands began to shake. He was concealing them inside his tracksuit. 

“You, the one with the distracted gaze. You´re going first” Crusch commanded him. Subaru was relieved that she had decided to ignore him, at least for now. 

This person was one of the knights of the Royal Guard, who had presumably chosen to stay there as a mere observer. He didn't understand much of what was happening, and went along with her questioning only for the attention to be away from him. 

Through an undefinable series of events, Julius was capable of using a certain magic spell, [Nect], allowing him to share visual senses with his target. This was a one-way connection, so the subject would not be able to peer into Julius´ field of vision, yet he himself would be able to. 

“I….I see….There does not seem to be much of an issue with you. That is my assessment of what I´ve seen so far” 

Julius told the knight that he was truly innocent, and his words were to be believed, since he had seen nothing incriminating on his personage. Lifting the effects of [Nect] from his eyes, he recovered his eyesight and closed his eyelids, thinking carefully as to his next move. 

“You are….You are more than innocent. That much is certain” 

Yet, the same could not be said of the sole suspect left in the investigation. Julius felt a pit form in his stomach as he pronounced the following words, not believing them enough to give them proper weight: 

“Subaru, you didn’t happen to do this on purpose, did you?” 

As if dozens of arrows had been shot in his direction, everyone’s eyes pierced into Subaru’s frame as he stared at them in shock. He didn’t expect to have to explain himself again, not now, of all times. 

“J-Julius…..I can’t speak for myself right now, but...Take my word, I didn’t do it…”

“Very well, at least I have that amount of reassurance—-“

The [Unseen Hand] was moving with a life of its own. Natsuki Subaru’s body was only a means to support itself, yet acted within its own orders and willpower. Indeed, this was the Authority of Sloth which Petelgeuse had spoken of.  
Enough! Our hesitance to fulfill the objective has done more harm than good! How will we live with ourselves if the Witch's Love is wasted?

“Gaaah!”

This time, one of the Royal Knights began to cough up blood from their mouth, collapsing on the ground as everyone else reacted in shock. Their expression was one of horror, as their life came to a sudden and excruciatingly painful end. 

This result put both Camps on guard, with Julius immediately ordering the rest of the Royal Knights to stay away from Subaru, while Crusch and Wilhelm rushed to take Felix away from there. 

It was certainly an exaggeration to suggest that the boy had died, but the injuries he sustained had temporarily taken him out of commission. The same could not be said about the third victim of this incident. 

With a swift motion, Julius called forth [Nect] once more, with the recipient changing so that Subaru would be affected by it. 

Their senses acting in unison, the Royal Knight took a step back as he was taken by complete surprise as to what he was witnessing. 

An invisible shadow, sprouting from within Subaru’s own body, and attempting to approach any living being near its range. 

“S-Subaru! What is the meaning of this?!”

He wasn’t just surprised, he was shocked. It was the very first time that he found himself trembling from the unexpected encounter he had laid eyes on. 

And yet, he remained firm. 

“Do not approach him! He’s the source of this invisible magic!” Is what he said, after Hetaro tried to speak with the madman as well. 

They all exchanged looks of confusion amongst one another as they separated themselves from Subaru’s position. They didn’t know how, but he was causing them to die one by one. 

Upon confirmation, Crusch Karsten’s aura was enveloped in a rage of bloodlust as she clenched her fists and reached for her sword. 

“Natsuki Subaru……!”

Even now, he was afraid of her. 

Subaru tried to support himself with his hand in order to run away, and it was only then that he noticed. It was a very subtle movement of his, but the fresh smell of blood was coming out of his tracksuit, spilling inside it. 

Locking his eyes onto his right hand, he was horrified to see that it had several critical bite marks on the edges of his fingers. It was spilling blood from his wounds, and being exposed to everyone made him scream out from the excruciating pain it caused him. 

Yet despite this, he managed to get on his feet and continue moving. There was no one to stop him as he kept doing so, and eventually, he was a fair distance away from them. 

Before Crusch could slash the wind itself in order to intercept him, she was stopped by Wilhelm, lowering her blade in response.

“There is more to Subaru than meets the eye. He has the gaze of someone who is truly suffering, so I will not allow you to stain your hands with his blood” 

“With what authority do you claim such a thing? Don’t you realize that he’s injured one of our members?”

“If he came here as a spy, then it’s possible that the boy will be back soon enough. The same can be said for the Witch Cult. Now, I ask you to let him be for now, Lady Crusch” 

“If we restrained him now, it’s likely that we’d be subjected to his curse as well. I suppose you are correct about that…”

Crusch Karsten looked downwards as she lamented that her target was running away without proper comeuppance. 

Wilhelm himself was not convinced of the rumors that were beginning to prop up among the rest of the Camp, and remained autonomous. 

“I would not be able to forgive myself if I allowed him the chance to escape without giving him trouble. I’ll respect your decision, but do not get in my way”

And so, Crusch Karsten sent out Ricardo, Mimi and Hetaro to look for Subaru, who had disappeared into the depths of the forest. Julius and the rest of the Royal Knights stayed behind to tend for their fallen comrade. 

However, Crusch herself was puzzled by the boy’s strange behavior. Though her fury remained, it was the only thing that allowed him to escape unscathed, a certain doubt that grew within her as she heard what the boy had to say for himself. 

“That time, what you said was not a lie…..”

——

Subaru ran and ran and ran. He couldn’t stop running even if he wanted to. As though a mutual agreement had been formed between their consciousness. 

“I don’t want to die! I don’t want to die! I don’t want to die!”

Stumbling in his desperate motions, he looked back to verify that he was as far away from them as possible, but even that would not be enough. No, if there was a possibility that Subaru would be back there again, then things could always get worse. 

The first time, he was unceremoniously killed by Crusch after presenting himself as an insane madman. The second time, it was due to Petelgeuse revealing his identity as a Sin Archbishop that he was almost slain by Julius, and finally met “that girl”. 

However, this time was completely different from the others: Subaru had been pushed on the offensive due to anticipating Felix’s attempt to paralyze him. He didn’t have enough time to decipher just what was happening before it was too late.

And now, the rest of the Camps were on the hunt for him, dead or alive. 

His first instinct was to run off towards Irlam Village, so that they would leave him alone. Even after being attacked, his legs had enough stamina and endurance to keep running for miles and miles on end. 

He came to an abrupt stop in his steps, making him trip. Subaru was thinking of how Petra and the rest of the villagers would react to seeing him like that, running frantically in their direction while being chased by Royal Knights. It wasn’t the best of impressions, he wasn’t stupid enough to wander inside like a fool. 

More importantly, even if he had chosen to do so, he wasn’t sure if the [Unseen Hand] would sprout again purely out of instinct, so keeping it away from them was his single, most relevant priority at the moment. 

He kept breathing heavily as he realized just how far he’d traveled before making it to this point. It was several kilometers of an inhumane sprint, an impossible marathon. 

Even so, he was relieved that he seemingly lost their trail. After a few hours, it was a though they had all disappeared from the area. Thinking further about it, he could come to a particular hypothesis. 

This forest was also a breeding ground for Mabeasts. Thanks to the tools given to him by Puck and Emilia, he was able to repel them, at least temporarily. The same could not be said about everyone else, so it was likely that they were currently fighting them off. 

But it was strange. 

Petelgeuse informed him that the miasma produced by him was extremely foul, to the point where it could only be rivaled by another Sin Archbishop. If both of them were currently combined, and taking into account the amount of times [Return by Death] activated, it was hard to understand why the Mabeasts didn’t follow him this time. 

Ignoring any further mysteries, and taking both the mabeast territory and Irlam Village into account, he took a detour into an unexplored side of the forest, though still being part of the main path. 

He made sure to take off his tracksuit and wrap his bloodied hands around it. He flinched upon seeing such an insane sight, since he never actually noticed it happening until it was already too late. 

_We have strayed from the path to Irlam Village! The Fingers are close! We must call out to them to our full capacity!_

“Petelgeuse….! Stop messing around with me! You insane madman!” 

_To be called a madman by the slothful one, diligence should be our way of life from this point onwards!_

“Urgh….! Shut the hell up! Why can't you keep quiet for more than a second!?” 

Soon enough, he encountered a dead end, and began to retrace his steps. It was stressful enough to look for a way out, but running into Irlam Village as he was would just cause everyone trouble. 

In a desperate motion, he began calling for help as he ran back towards the main path, fearing that he would bump into a mabeast on the way. His frantic footsteps echoed loudly through the forest as he looked around for aid. 

“Ignoring someone who’s clearly trying to enjoy themselves is such a shame. I didn’t expect you to be so selfish, stranger” 

The voice of a man came from behind the tree. From merely hearing it, Subaru thought that they were quite average in their tone, but as he tried to inspect it to see who it was, he was surprised to see that the man was wearing quite elegant clothes. 

“Irlam Village is that way, isn’t it? I’m sorry for the noise and all. I really freaked out over there, huh?” Subaru laughed to himself from the sheer nervousness of it all. 

Someone had spotted him, and if a visitor was here, then the possibility of there being more people around was no longer conjecture. 

“Don’t make this all about yourself, it’s exhausting to keep up with someone who believes themselves to be better than others, by all means”

“Who said anything about me? I’m just asking you to help me evacuate everyone! There’s going to be an attack on Irlam Village!”

The more he spoke, the more Subaru seemed to “recognize” who that person was, even if he had never seen him before. Everything to his commanding tone, resentful voice, and imponent appearance rung a bell. 

In response, he let out a smug smile. 

“Ah, I see how this is….So you truly are in a daze as to what our intentions are, aren’t you?” 

He shrugged proudly as he completely dismissed the misconceptions that the boy before him had been stupid enough to bring up. 

“I am a Sin Archbishop of the Witch’s Cult, representing Greed, Regulus Corneas” 

That was enough for his brain to begin contorting wildly onto itself. Subaru did not have time to register his words as thousands of memories erupted all at once from within the deepest corners of his mind. 

A surprise attack on Elior Forest, the feeling of immense sadness, hatred for those who hated wronged him, and the need for peace beyond suffering had all surfaced suddenly and without warning. 

Emilia. Emilia was in danger. 

His head hurt much more than it was before. It became unbearable. He clutched it as hard as he could in an attempt to silence Petelgeuse, but everything leaked out like a torrent. 

Furious, he was furious. But to quench that fury, he needed to spread Love. 

“Did I hear that right? Are you, who claims to be Greed, standing before me?”

The boy’s soul had been suppressed by Petelgeuse Romanee-Contee, and the way his voice came out changed as well. 

“Speaking with you further is useless, you’re doing nothing but create noise and chaos everywhere you go. I was just going on a simple stroll through this forest, and you’re being selfish by interrupting it” 

Regulus Corneas was more than annoyed by the person standing before him. They were nonsensically attempting to prove a vain point, and ridicule was not out of the question. 

As he said those words, Petelgeuse approached him and put his hands on his shoulders as he smiled like a madman at him, causing the elegant man to show a face of disgust. 

“The trial must commence shortly! Do not be so vain as to think you can have the Witch’s Love for yourself! Currently, it is my duty to find the girl and insert Satella onto it. Soon, it shall be your turn” 

Regulus pushed him away as his face now showed that he didn’t tolerate his being there any longer. The patience left in him was running out. 

“Not only did you interrupt my stroll, I’m now speaking to someone who’s lost their very grasp of sanity. I was only trying to stop you from disturbing this perfect evening, you see. I hate getting into fights more than you do, it’s just how it is”

Regulus was as slothful as Petelgeuse was diligent. The former wanted nothing but the world handed over to him, while the latter worked tirelessly to have Love bestowed upon him. 

And so, Regulus recognized who this “boy” truly was, even through his trickery. 

“You can’t let the past go, can’t you? You were pathetic before, but now, you’re not worth responding to. My reputation would be at risk if I allowed you to keep spouting out nonsensical stories about us, of course” 

His condescending and mighty attitude was now replaced by one of sheer repulsion, caused by the familiarity of the way he was being addressed. 

“Ah! Your slothful nature has revealed itself! You refuse to serve our goals yet pretend to be as righteous as you are?!”

He kept scratching his head furiously, realizing that his fingers had been damaged further. He didn’t care about it at all and continued doing so. 

“My loyal Fingers will carry on with the plan, I must find a way to rescue myself from this imperfect vessel!” 

Regulus looked at him with fury and disdain as the quietness of the forest was distorted by the noise he was causing. He needed to be stopped. 

“Now, even your presence disgusts me! You’re a filthy creature who lacks decency and class! Your very existence is an insult to my being!”

It was a clash between two Sin Archbishops, even if Petelgeuse had not started it. The man standing before him was but a heretic speaking the witch’s name in vain. He was not worthy of receiving Her Love. 

And on the other hand, he didn’t care about what he had to say. He hadn’t seen him once in his life, but recognized that he must be Greed. Yes, if this man was Greed, then it was logical to assume that he must also be seeking Love, and if that wasn’t the case, then it was worth ignoring. 

Regulus balled his fists and raised his eyebrow in fury as the wind seemed to travel at immensely fast speeds. 

“Do not waste a second more of my time, insolent!”

At that moment, Petelgeuse felt as though his body was weightless. Reaching for a ledge to hold on to with his hands, he realized that the terrain they had been standing on had completely collapsed. 

His vision completely blacked out, and he fell into darkness as the rubble fell further and further into the forest, and the cliff gave way. 

———-

A familiar-looking forest, that was the spectacle before him. A fleeting dream that was no different from a memory, yet he couldn’t tell the difference no matter how hard he tried. 

“Look, Geuse!”

A young child, living carefree. 

“Emilia-sama, don’t look at them. Please stay here with your mother, alright?” 

And finally, her parental guardian. 

“These people don’t take kindly to being observed by you, but they’re not evil, by any means…..”

He was just an observer, he wasn’t the one being comforted, but he felt at peace. For those few instances, he felt truly happy that someone had taken care of him, whoever they were. 

——-

The moment Natsuki Subaru “woke up”, he kept hearing voices in his head speaking to one another, but that he could recognize. One of them was Emilia, but with a much more innocent tone to her voice. 

The other was Petelgeuse, or the man he recognized him to be. 

It was strange for him to have a somewhat “saner” tone to his voice, let alone that he was addressing Emilia with anything other than crazed insanity. 

“Emilia…..”

He loved Emilia. He wanted to protect Emilia as much as possible, but she remained away from him. Subaru couldn’t understand why she couldn’t let him do so. It was easy to have a shoulder to rest on, so why not use his?

Deciphering the contents of his own memories was pointless. He kept jumping back from his own thoughts to those of a time far, far gone. In his sleep, he kept thinking about Emilia. 

But even so, another person’s whereabouts concerned him. He didn’t know where Rem was at the moment, since the last time they saw each other, she had departed for the Karsten Mansion. 

To make matters worse, he had no idea how he’d ended up there. From his point of view, he blacked out as soon as Regulus mentioned that he was a Sin Archbishop. 

Just who the heck was he, anyway? He had no way to confirm whether he was telling the truth or not, but something had definitely happened while he was gone. The guy looked suspicious since he first saw him, but couldn't quite lay a finger on the cause behind it. 

The area around him was completely demolished. Several trees had been cut down, and there was no one to be seen. As far as he knew, he was by himself. Subaru tried to get up to examine the area, but collapsed again after a few steps. He was much more injured than before, and his hands couldn’t be of use anymore. He lamented his pathetic state as he laid down, alone. 

After a moment, he heard the gentle footsteps of a living being which approached him. 

“Ah~ It looks like you’re here after all~! We were thinking of going on a hunting spree just to find out where you ran off to~!”

The person which addressed him was a small boy. He was dressed with a coat and a simple purple outfit, giving him the appearance of a childish misfit. 

However, the boy’s face was one of disappointment and resentment.

“Ah~ you’re quite a dull dish. We’re very concerned no one’s going to satisfy our appetite at this rate~” 

It was the voice of a deranged creature, not of a person. He seemed very interested in him, but he had no idea who he was. 

“W-Who….Who are you?” 

The small boy, akin to a creature, smiled to himself as he planted his eyes towards his, and they locked their gaze together. 

“We know who you are. You were supposed to save someone from death, weren’t you?”

“D-Death….?”

As the two of them conversed, a pack of canine Mabeasts was approaching. They howled at the child as he smiled at them, though his tone implied that he was through with them.

“Our meal, our meal~! Yes, this meal is only ours to feast on~!”

One of the Mabeasts jumped at the child, its jaw open to take a bite out of him, and yet he was effortlessly taken care of after a single slash, its head falling several feet away from where it originally stood. 

This continued not once, not twice, but several times in succession. The two hunters engaged in an all-out brawl as Subaru was helpless to do nothing but watch the outcome of this struggle. 

The corpses of these creatures were piled up one by one until all of them had been slain. A pool of blood was the only other reminder that a battle had taken place, but worst of all, the child looked overjoyed to have additional meals on his plate. 

Of course, that’s when Subaru became aware of the true nature of this person. He was wielding two daggers around his arms, and his body was now covered in blood.

“W-Who the hell are you? Hey, answer the question! Who the hell are you?!”

The boy was much more acquainted with Subaru than he’d originally realized. If he had something to do with the attack on Roswaal’s Mansion, then it meant that not only Petelgeuse was involved. 

“Oh~? You’re enjoying yourself already, we are aware of that~! You’ve never introduced yourself to the feasts you devour at sunrise, after all~!” 

This child, he was a terrible child. His aura made him nauseous from the bloody scent that emanated from his torn clothes. But he didn't speak like a child, so there was no need to recognize him as one. He was a monster. He only cared about eating, consuming, devouring, swallowing, tearing souls from their meaty cage, emptying their hollow husks---

“I wonder what kind of delicious meal you’re going to make~?”

Subaru spat blood out from his mouth as he felt a burning sensation in his abdomen. He had been stabbed twice in that short amount of time. 

He screamed out in absolute agony as he tried to stop him, but the boy moved faster than he did, any further attempts to prevent this would just stun him. His entire abdomen was burning up in a painful sensation as he tried to look away. 

His attacker played around with the dagger in his hands as Subaru closed his eyes to stop feeling pain altogether. He heard a mocking laugh coming from him as he started slipping into unconsciousness. 

Subaru’s vision was tainted with blood, and his hearing was fading, his mind drifting into several places at once. 

And yet, even in that state, he could’ve sworn that the boy’s voice belonged to Rem. 

“Sweet dreams, my noble Hero~!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This mark the end of the first half of this story. It doesn’t really mean anything other than I’ll be focusing on the second half from now on, which’ll have its fair share of spoiler-y events, of course. 
> 
> I do note, though, that I’m not entirely sure how exactly Julius casts [Nect] other than “he just does”, so there’s that.
> 
> On the other hand, Subaru is beginning to inherit some of Petelgeuse’s habits without being aware of it. It’s also why it takes him longer than usual to feel pain. 
> 
> Thanks For Reading!
> 
> Edit: I almost forgot to mention: Does anyone mind me adding honorifics for certain characters? It’s mostly for aesthetics-sake, but there are certain moments where it does have more of an impact.
> 
> Edit 2: Just for the record, I’m waiting for the anime to get just a bit further ahead before uploading anything, in case anyone’s wondering.


	4. 怠惰　(Sloth)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Woohoo! I actually managed to continue updating this story again! 
> 
> I say that, because I recently lost both energy and a useful wireless connection for a few days now. In truth, I meant to update it from the beginning of the week, but it kept getting delayed, dammit.
> 
> Moving on, may the misadventure of a borderline-insane Sin Archbishop and a traumatized teenager continue!

When we awaken from a drifting state, akin to unconsciousness, it’s quite normal for a person to lose their sense of reason, or rather, the identity which they shaped for themselves before doing so.

Thus, was Subaru’s predicament as soon as his eyes registered the unfamiliar view of a magical forest. All prior references he could have user, perhaps the jumble of trees outside of Roswaal’s domain, for example, had been erased from his mind.

All that was left, was to wander aimlessly to find an unknown person, and a location the details of which were vague collections shrouded in haze. His head felt desperate to find an answer, but not because he himself had accepted the truth of this situation.

Not far from where he stood, was the sight of a small figure hiding from view. A warm sensation embraced him as his eyes began to widen from surprise. It was a whiplash of shock and gentle kindness. 

Getting closer revealed the frame of a small, silver-haired girl with purple eyes. Her curious gaze was enough to make him tear up. 

“Emi….lia….?”

On instinct, he hugged the girl with all of his strength, not understanding what had come over him. His eyes were filled with a watery substance, which he recognized as his own tears when wiping them away. 

“Perhaps your eyes deceive you?”

A gentle voice came out from somewhere in the depths of the forest. Reaching Subaru’s ears without resistance, they coerced him into a lullaby of acceptance. 

“S-Shut up!”

The girl stared in confusion as Subaru did whatever he could to protect her. He grabbed the young Emilia in his arms and proceeded to run in the opposite direction. It screamed danger, and she’s the last person he could imagine getting themselves hurt. 

“Beautiful….You’re trying to save the remnants of a young girl?”

He had no clue where he was, or why someone was looking for him. All that mattered in that instant, was that Emilia was safe from harm. The girl wasn’t speaking nor protesting, only looking back as Subaru kept running and running, getting lost in the forest. 

“G—-Gaaah!”

Subaru and the young Emilia collapsed violently on the ground, losing their sense of balance. This was not an action made on purpose, but was rather forced on them due to a powerful substance which had struck his leg. 

Holding onto Emilia, Subaru looked towards his leg, and saw that it was filled to the brim with an intensely-dangerous poison. Though it didn’t hurt, he couldn’t feel his legs anymore. 

He put his hand to his mouth and bit into it to keep silent, so that the girl would not be further alarmed by his reaction of terror. 

It was overwhelming. The girl was just as afraid as he was, but he couldn’t do anything to help her. All that could be done was to observe.  
The poison was overflowing within his body, flowing freely within it. The only evidence that this was a deliberate attack, was a single slithering tail moving about in the bushes. 

“Emilia—-! Emilia! Run away! Get away from here and call for help—-!”

His throat was filled with toxic air as he struggled to breathe. Coughing over and over, he tried to keep his eyes open to look at her just one last time, reaching out his hand towards her. 

“Awaken from your slumber, Natsuki Subaru!”

Reality collapsed onto itself, and the boy faded into a shallow existence of nothingness. 

—-

Natsuki Subaru kept choking on his own breath as he struggled to gasp for air. That child had caused him nothing but trouble since the very moment he arrived, and——

Now, he couldn’t get those words out of his head, the ones that Rem uses, but didn’t belong to her anymore. It kept haunting him to think of that sensation as real. It wasn’t.

A stray hunter, the self-proclaimed Sin Archbishop “Regulus Corneas”, the nearby Mabeasts, Petelgeuse Romanee-Contee, everyone’s hatred towards Witch Cultists and cold suspicion towards him. 

It was too much to handle. Under normal circumstances, all it would take was cooperation, but if even that was taken away from him, what else was left? 

He couldn’t communicate with the rest of the Camps without breaking the alliance between them. He couldn’t run back to Irlam Village without provoking an ambush or being attacked anymore. If only Roswaal’s Mansion wasn’t so far away, he’d be able to get there in one piece and get help from Ram and Emilia….

She wasn’t listening to him. Their discussion hurt him deeply, but he didn’t understand why she’d use such hurtful words. Subaru was treating himself like crap as is, did he really need someone else to remind him of that?

“I…..I’m sorry, everyone, I know I’m supposed to help you defeat the Witch Cult, but….”

There was no one around him, none at all. 

He looked around, and realized that his vision wasn’t playing tricks on him: Everyone really was gone from where he had woken up. The place he was in was still a garden, but there was an ominous aura to it that made him feel unnaturally unnerved. 

More than anything, it was a familiar location, one he’d been to before, but was similar enough to the discussion grounds that he couldn’t tell the difference at first glance. 

Natsuki Subaru was in the same place he and the Witch of Envy had first exchanged words in, but it was a one-sided conversation. Even if he wanted to talk, he couldn’t. 

There was nothing to see in the distance, either. Flowers of various colors filled the scenery, but the area was empty beyond any other signs of life. Even the Witch herself was gone. 

He tried to touch his face, but couldn’t. It was as though he was only a spirit, not an actual person that existed in this moment. Not even having the particular ability to feel anything, he was scared of what that meant for him. 

“Am I….Dead….?”

He tried to call for help, but couldn’t speak. He tried to run, but couldn’t walk. He tried to build up his courage, but couldn’t feel confident in anything at all. 

It was then, however, that the voice of a man made itself heard through the endless darkness that inhabited this eery garden. 

“I’m afraid you and I are very much alive. I’d rather prefer that to an eternal slumber.” 

He turned his eyes, and was shocked beyond belief by the shape of the figure he was seeing at this moment. Wearing brown robes, and bearing a green-ish hair that resembled someone he’d known far too well, it was impossible to mistake him for someone else. 

“When meeting someone else, it is polite to introduce yourself to others first, is it not?” 

Because, that man was the last person he’d ever thought was going to speak with him at all. He knew all about him, but there was too much to talk about. 

“Very well, if you refuse, then I shall take the initiative….”

With a particularly warm smile, he addressed Natsuki Subaru like a friend. 

“My name is simply Geuse. I do not follow formalities much.” 

Even with him having said that, he still didn’t believe him. For one, he looked much cleaner in his expressions and his politeness made itself known through his actions. The Petelgeuse he knew would’ve tortured him on the spot. 

Yet, Subaru’s mouth was agape at the casual mention of that name. He kicked and scrambled to stand up at the mere mention of such a strange figure. 

The man was wearing the same black cleric outfit reminiscent of the Witch’s Cult, except his hood was missing. Other than that, there was his face—-

It looked extremely similar to “that person”, yet much more welcoming and well-built. It was as though someone was trying to trick him into being nice to such an awful man. 

“Now, now. I believe there is no need to explain the basics behind human relationships, am I wrong?” 

“Y-You…..You’re Petelgeuse…? The Sin Archbishop?”

The man known as ‘Geuse’ nodded, though noticeably taken aback by the fact that he was identified. He wouldn’t refer to him in any other way, since they were not the same person he knew. 

“Ah, what’s with your surprise? I’m certainly offended by the way those eyes are scorning my presence, I’ll have you know.” Even though he forgave his sudden expressions of disbelief, there was a feeling of insult coming from the cultist’s eyes “In any case, I’d prefer it if you refrained from reffering to myself as Petelgeuse. It’s quite the insulting nickname.”

“A-Ah, S-Sorry, S-Sorry…” Subaru didn’t know how to even speak with him. It was surprising to see him like this, let alone to be able to talk normally. 

“Do not hide your shyness, I can tell from the manner in which your thoughts scramble around like insects.” 

Emilia, a magical forest, and the tragedy that occured within it, were the things that he remembered. 

Natsuki Subaru managed to calm himself down enough to communicate properly, rather than scream and call for help. He had no idea where this Shadow Garden was in this world, but if the only help he could get was from a mysterious man, then he’d best take it. 

“We don’t share that many thoughts between us, do we? I don’t know much about you, anyway.”

“I know much more about you than you know about me, I can confirm that much. Even so, you are but a stranger to me at the moment. So similar, yet so different….” 

That being said, there was an important matter that needed addressing. 

“If you’re here, and I’m here, then it’s not over, is it? I can still keep going like I used to, right?”

“Ah, indeed. I feared that you would come to that conclusion due to your situation.”

“It’s not just mine. We shared the same body just a few moments ago, remember?”

Geuse looked at him as though he’d just said something perplexing, blinking “I have no recollection of those events. From my perspective, I’ve been living inside your memories as an intruder.”

“Y-You don’t remember? And you’re saying you saw my memories too?!”

“You are quite an intriguing person, Natsuki Subaru. Even mere glimpses of memories made me aware of that. How unfortunate that you do not claim yourself to be so….”

“Says the person with the face of the man I hate the most….”

It was an offense that he didn’t take lightly, but the man had no resemblance whatsoever to the one he knew. “As I mentioned just now, I have the vaguest idea of what you’re trying to say.”

“So you don’t remember assaulting Felix? And that Royal Knight? You don’t remember following me all the way across the forest, and taking over my body?!”

“I see….”

“Don’t give me a simple response like that! You’re the one who did that!”

“In all honesty, and despite my lack of memories of those events, I don’t suppose that this particular exchange was a coincidence. Perhaps this is simply my imagination, but you seem to be the vessel for the Witch Factor I used to possess……”

“Used to? You’re not the original owner now?”

“No, this is far more complicated than that. It’s as though I exist within you, but you yourself lack all of my capabilities.”

“Ah, that explains why those invisible hands started to manifest from my body!”

“That would be the case, indeed.”

He scratched his head at the thought of him being anything but a mere boy. For them to show up in the same place, and to posess similar characteristics—-

“To think Flugel-sama’s gift would fall in the hands of an innocent child…..”

“Huh? Did you say something just now?”

Geuse shook his head “That is of no concern to you, I’m afraid.” 

——

The real reason Subaru didn’t want to speak with Geuse, or the person who claimed to be that person, is due to the influx of memories that flooded inside him during the previous iteration of events. He was unconscious for what felt like an endless dream, and the only constant he remembered, the only people he identified through them, were Geuse, Emilia, and the person who claimed to be Regulus Corneas. 

Nothing made sense. 

“How much do you remember?”

“I couldn’t think of anything but crazy talk about Satella and the Witch Cult for a while, that’s all I knew for a few days, but then—-“

“....Emilia-sama, you are acquainted with her, yes?”

“Of course I am! I’m trying to pay back my debt to her for saving me!”

“As am I. You may have known me as a feral creature, but that is not who I am at present.”

“Then who are you? And why did that beast come to attack us all of a sudden?!”

“Beast…?” Geuse stared at Subaru for a moment, collecting his thoughts in response. Finally, he came to a possible answer without clarifying it first. “Ah, I see...That is what must’ve happened, after all….”

“Hey, don’t just talk to yourself! You made me look like a creep when we did that earlier, you know?!”

With his knowledge of the Witch Cult, Geuse was aware that Subaru could be under some sort of incorrect assumption. 

“My conclusion is thus: My present self lacks sufficient memories to form an identity. I have been clouded by my own thoughts for more than a hundred years, so an outcome of that extent would be expected…”

He came to a particular realization. Even if the boy could not hope to understand what he meant, not that he ever would, there was still a chance to explain now. 

“Natsuki Subaru. Allow me to apologize for your confusion. It seems you too have fallen victim to the schemes of a different madman.”

“W-What are you talking about….?”

“That woman, she was the one who altered my memories, and subsequently, Emilia’s recollection of events…”

The only person he could be speaking of, was someone Subaru already knew, so it couldn’t be right. 

“Which woman? Who are you talking about? Don’t just leave me in the dark by being cryptic about it!”

“I wish I could be more clear, but in all honesty, I cannot remember more than that. Dwelling on it further….it’s making my mind….tremble….”

He clutched his head and grit his teeth, looking away from Subaru. Whatever it was that he thought of, it was causing him noticeable amounts of pain. 

“O-Okay! I get it! I get it! Let’s not get too ahead of ourselves, alright? We can keep it at that!”

Geuse’s sudden outburst was enough to make him lower his guard and help the poor man, though it brought him a sense of nausea to be helping the same man who had abandoned Emilia to fend for herself. 

“I love you.”

The voice of a girl, a gentle girl who loved but a single person. Devotion incarnate.

“I love you.”

Wrapped in shadows, in the distance, was the figure of the Witch of Envy approaching with slow steps. She was close enough to be noticed, but far enough to not be considered a threat, were it not for——

A stray hand created from shadows reached out to Geuse, and he concentrated his energies on a single position. Subaru watched as Geuse managed to push it aside without issue.

“They’re coming here! Can’t we do something about them?!”

But Geuse did not seem concerned in the least. Rather, his expression indicated comfort and acceptance, not fear. 

“That is due to the link we possess between us. The Witch is aware of it and is trying to intervene, so that is why you must listen carefully, Natsuki Subaru.”

He had his attention, all that was left was to state it outright. 

“You are a man who was given the greatest gift of all. One who has sinned, yet can cleanse their sins as if they never occurred. There are few who are as privileged as you when it comes to that. However, I recognize now that such a wonderful gift comes with a grave cost, one that could do you apart without fail.”

“Stop calling it wonderful, it’s been nothing but a pain to me since I got it.” 

“Regardless….Were you to fail to rid us of that connection, I am afraid to think of the consequences. As the current host of this Witch Factor, my presence could overwhelm you, and you could cease to exist altogether....”

“That’s—-! You’re saying I’ll be taken over by you permanently—?!”

Subaru looked to the side, and tried to scream as one of the shadow hands reached for his chest. Wailing in pain, he tried to get it to stop, but the action was undone by Geuse’s Authority of Sloth, which dispersed some of them away. 

Being helped by the man you hate the most….What a joke it all seemed to be. 

“...It pains me to say, it would be the best outcome for myself. Stranded between memories for decades….It drives a person beyond recovery, and much worse than that.”

By this point, the shadow hands had reached everyone present, and swallowed the area beyond a shadow of a doubt, as Subaru closed his eyes, trying to grasp the night sky. 

“Farewell, Natsuki Subaru. May fortune be bestowed upon you.”

Unseen shadows enveloped their figures, as the Shadow Garden dissolved into darkness. Geuse let himself be swallowed by the shadow hands as he bowed to him. 

“Geuse….!”

Scrambling to break free from the shadows, he reached out his hand. 

“Geus—ee!”

Once again, his heart was filled with hate beyond all comprehension. But his screams did not stop. 

“Petelgeuse—-!”

Natsuki Subaru vanished from this world, and left the two other beings alone to speak with one another. 

Geuse looked away from where the boy stood before, and stared contemplatively at the outer reaches of the Shadow Garden. This was his new home, where he wanted it or not. 

His last goal in this realm, was to face the one who had greeted them in such an oppressive and demanding manner. “Forgive me for this. I realize my very self has no place in this world for you. I am not worthy of witnessing its glory, after all. Wouldn’t you say the same?”

Upon Subaru’s absence, the girl was no longer professing her love. She was quiet. 

“I see….So you’ve come back to your senses for the time being? That is a relief. There is much we have yet to recall from our memories——“

—-

The sight that blessed Subaru’s eyes as he opened them, were the round, yellow hues of a curious gaze, looking down at him from above. 

“Ferris…?”

It took him a second to notice, but he was actually lying down on the grass. More specifically, it was the exact same place he’d initially shown up in. 

“Was the strategy meeting that boring to you? Falling asleep just like that?” 

Felix kept admonishing him for skipping such an important meeting, but he hadn’t realized that time was still passing even outside the place where he spoke with Petelgeuse. 

“That’s too close! A bit closer and I’d have done something shameful!”

“How is something like this shameful to you?!”

Truth be told, he was quite embarrassed by the idea of Felix holding him while he slept. Not to mention, there wasn’t any particular need for him to be there this time, since he wasn’t injured.

Crusch intervened after seeing that he didn’t mean harm, and this was a mere misunderstanding between them. “There is nothing to be concerned about. He’s only verifying your body in search of injuries.”

“Aah, that explains it then! And here I thought me and Ferris were onto something now…”

Shaking his head, Subaru recognized that he’d gotten too immersed in the current state of affairs, and was forgetting an important point: Most of all, success was relevant above all else. Geuse didn’t understand it, but Subaru was aware of the implication behind his words.

If he died again while Petelgeuse was inside of his body, that would be the end of it. Speaking of which, this realization caused him to step back from Felix and Crusch, getting on his feet in a swift motion. 

“Subaru?”

“I know, I know, it’s very sudden of me to reject people when they want to hug me, I get it.” As he said so, he took another step back. “But in this situation, I want to keep my guard up. You can’t blame me for thinking that way.”

He was far enough for even Julius to look into the distance and see him. No one had interrupted because they believed he was merely joking, but this was something else entirely.

“Am I to assume that you are cancelling our strategy meeting?”

“It’s not like that!” He began thinking of possible ways to explain this situation, or at least come out of it without looking like an idiot. “I was just thinking about there being more than one leader of the Witch’s Cult, that’s all.”

“You have….quite the imagination, I can say that much about you.” 

“You know me better than I know myself, huh? What a surprise….”

“In any case, the notion that a witch cultist could exist among us is vain. I’ve seen nothing but honest feats of strength from all of us, and even if there were suspicions, we have no way to confirm such an idea—-“

“I know where their hideout is.” Subaru said suddenly. Even his own words had betrayed him, but he had faith in them “But given what we know, there’s a possibility that they’re moving away from the area as we speak.”

One of the Royal Knights raised their hand to make themselves heard. “You’re familiar with the Witch Cult? Sounds like a strange concept to me, considering the circumstances.”

“Aren’t we all? I just happened to come across some of them by accident, that’s just how it is…”

It wasn’t a lie per se, since he was recalling an actual memory from before. Rem, Otto and himself had been ambushed by witch cultists while travelling to Roswaal’s Mansion. There were no lies in that statement. 

“Very well. Though I don’t know if I care for your strange attitude and general behavior, I shall take your proposal into consideration.”

“There’s no way we’re changing our strategy just ‘cause he says so. The most we can do is to change it just a bit, and that’s all!”

That was Subaru’s chance to gain some freedom, and ironically enough, keep them safe from the threat of his own making. 

“I’m going back to Irlam Village. Ram will have a message for you when I return, so don’t take this as me leaving everyone behind.”

“Ram?”

“If my assumption is correct, he is referring to one of the maids in Roswaal’s Mansion, Miss Crusch.”

“Ah, I see….So she must be here to provide support and intel to the Emilia Camp…”

“That’s right. It’s also why I’m in a hurry to regroup with her, so sorry for not explaining myself earlier.” Upon finishing his sentence, Subaru bowed down to apologize, though his tone made it seem like he was joking about it all along. 

“Honestly…..” 

Crusch couldn’t help but doubt his words. Yet, there was no malice in them, so she let him be for the time being. She turned towards the rest of the crowd, and instructed them. “In accordance with this change in plans, both my camp and that of Camp Hoshin will reconsider our strategy! For that purpose, allow me to ask some of you to stand guard while I and the remaining members take this carcass where it belongs!”

—-

It was only after running away from the scene, with the excuse that he’d be meeting with Ram, that something else started to become strange to him. 

After waking up from that “dream”, which seemed to be a repressed memory, he met Geuse in the Shadow Garden. Through that exchange, he’d forgotten a very important factor, which made him wonder…..

Petelgeuse Romanee-Contee was dormant. His “other self” had mentioned that their Witch Factors, if he had listened correctly, had somehow merged upon one another. But that was the confusing part: For them to “merge”, he’d have to have a Witch Factor in the first place. 

The conclusion he came to was that Petelgeuse Romanee-Contee, not Geuse, was the one responsible for manipulating the Authority of Sloth inside his body. The only choice he had right now, was to control it somehow. 

That much was clear, as his hands were trembling and begging to be caved in by his teeth, releasing them to the outside world. As long as he avoided doing that in general, he’d be safe for now, but he needed to be careful. 

——

At the same time, Subaru managed to find Patrasche again, and have her help him cross the forest. Last time, he had the unfortunate luck of running across a Sin Archbishop, but that was nothing except bad luck. 

They didn’t have much time. If the worst became true, he’d stop being “Natsuki Subaru” and start becoming another person entirely. 

“Good girl, Patrasche! Don’t think about it and just keep going at your own pace!”

It was good luck on his part that Emilia’s cloak was easy to get his hands on. That way, even if he happened to look like a creep, they wouldn’t know who he was, so his reputation remains intact.

Patrasche moved in a fast and efficient manner, and his objective was more than clear now, thanks to the information received from Geuse himself. Being a spirit, the only chance he had of gaining the upper hand in this situation, was to seek the aid of another spirit as well. 

They sought to protect Emilia in their own way, that much they had in common, but he was confident that there could be another purpose behind his suspicious activities. 

“Please, Puck! Don’t be an idiot and listen to me for once!” 

That much is what the boy said to himself, as he hoped that he’d be there to help him, regardless of their differences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ending this chapter, you can probably guess one of the reasons why I held off from uploading this chapter for all that time. The other reason being that….I actually scrapped parts of it, I’m not even gonna lie. If it wasn’t for the fact that Season 2 gave me more context, I’d be more confused than I am now, in all honesty. 
> 
> I’m actually surprised by how much I managed to expand what was initially a “hahaha le funny fingers guy” crackfic into an actual story. It’s also why the intro is shorter than the other parts: That really was just the entire narrative at one point.
> 
> Anyway, I’m really not sure when the next part’s going to come out. Maybe tomorrow, maybe in a few days, or maybe next week, but I hope you look forward to it regardless. Hopefully I don’t disappoint any of you. (PD: This also means that I’ll be updating my other re:zero stories sometime soon, if you’re interested in them).
> 
> Thanks For Reading!


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